I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
