someone threw a dead crab at me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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