i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
