I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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