I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
