That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize