I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
