I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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