Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
