I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize