My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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