The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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