Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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