I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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