Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
