it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize