I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
FUCK WHALES
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
