so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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