Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
