Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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