i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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