I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
