you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
