No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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