I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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