Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
