I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
