I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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