Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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