i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize