He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
