Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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