the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
