We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
