All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
