She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
