please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
