i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my poor anus
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
