having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
