it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize