I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
