oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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