I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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