Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
