puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
