I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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