I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
