if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
