Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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