is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize