I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
