In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
