I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
