just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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