mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
