I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
