Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
