Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
