i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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