my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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