what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
