time to smoke my breakfast
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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