Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
