My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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