Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
